Whether by e-mail, memo, or public appearance, Ward 3 Council Member Ken Owensby continued his efforts at impersonating the mayor at the opening ceremonies of the Overland Lions Fair. Owensby began his presentation by saying "Welcome all to the finest fair in this city. I would like to take a moment to say what an angel Ann Purzner is..." before being booed off the stage.

"He looked just beautiful in that dress," commented Wanda Knode, wife of Ward 1 Council Member Richard Knode. "I almost had to do a double-take; he looked so much like Mayor Purzner."

Owensby (photo above) appeared in a red cocktail dress with matching hat and accessories. He proudly stated the Overland origins of his apparel. "I bought the dress and hat at Marshalls, the shoes at Payless, and the matching handbag at Shoe Stop. All right here in our city at Overland Plaza."

Owensby was later seen repeatedly shouting "I move to have this fair adjourned" after several losses at the ring toss game.

Good Times, Good Beer, and a Few Good Fights

One of the highlights of the 76th annual Overland Lions Fair is the Beer Garden. The Beer Garden provides a fun atmosphere and has an overflowing crowed by 6:00 PM most evenings. "It's the biggest part of our fundraising efforts at the fair," explained Kelly Braun, a fair organizer. "This crowd loves the booze, and we are here to sell it--and it's all for a good cause"

For many, it is a chance to see neighbors and long-lost friends. "It really takes on the air of a high school reunion," exclaimed Becky Johnson, Overland resident and Ritenour 1986 graduate. "You see some folks you haven't seen for years and in a more relaxed environment than will be at October's 20-year reunion."

Sometimes these reunions spark more excitement than necessary. An hour or two doesn't pass in the Beer Garden without fisticuffs among the inebriated. "I can't believe he hit me," lamented Tom Jones, holding a pack of ice against his visibly bruised jaw. "He introduces me to his wife, who was always so snotty in high school and I tell him 'I can't believe you married that bitch' and POW!"

One of the other highlights of the Beer Garden is the music. Various bands are hired to play and an impromptu dance floor is created by the unsupervised children of Overland wandering among the intoxicated.

Allied Waste reports an inordinate number of rubber snakes, Chinese yo-yos and torn stuffed animals were included in this weeks trash pickup in the city of Overland. "I don't understand this increase in kid toys. It's as if everyone did the Spring Cleaning in late August." stated Bob Sanchez, a 10-year-veteran sanitation worker.

"I just can't stand all this stuff," complained Cindy Metzger, Overland resident and mother of two. "It's all over the mini-van, it clogs the sink, and the plastic bugs end up in our bed. Yikes!"

In related news, it has also been reported by district officials that many Ritenour Middle School students now have new Aerosmith mirrors adorning their lockers.

Budget Proposal in Response to Sustained Court Losses

After Mayor Ann Purzner's loss at Wednesday's preliminary hearing, the budget committee has reconvened to revamp the budget. The revised budget includes an amount to purchase the mayor a leg to stand on.

Council Member and Budget Committee Chairman Rich Knode stated "These compounded losses are truly embarrassing for the mayor. We feel it is our duty to do what we can to put a stop to this and provide her a justifiable basis of defense. After all, that's what our boys are fighting for over in Iraq."

The new line item estimates that this expenditure will be over $10,000.00. Overland's new procurement assistant, Donna Dill has stated that she will be going out for bids in the next few weeks with preferential treatment given to those who are taking part in the Kick-back for Kicks system she has initiated since taking over the purchasing duties of the city.

E-mail for Dummies first in the series

The City of Overland has announced a new series of personal computer classes for citizens. "It is our hope to use the expertise of the city employees and the city council to benefit the citizens of Overland" stated Mayor Ann Purzner when introducing the subject in a city press release.

The first class to be offered in the series will be E-Mail for Dummies led by 3rd Ward Council Member and "Reduced to Writing" master, Ken Owensby. "I wish they would have gone with my first choice in a name, E-Mail for Liars," recounted Owensby via phone. "But, our marketing expert, Mark Brown, thought the current name reflected his opinion of Overland residents."

Highlights of the 2-hour course include:

Add Punch to Your E-mails: Make people sit up and take notice of your e-mail with phrases such as:
--by order of the Mayor
--comply or be investigated
--President Bush said to tell you this

Commerce and Communication: Don't be afraid to make a little money by adding advertisement for your personal business. Owensby's personal examples include:
--See me for your next assault rifle purchase
-- KO for AK47s

All classes will be held in the Overland Community Center which is adjacent to the Overland City Hall.

Overland Mayor Ann Purzner has announced that the Midwood Hotel has been named that city's business of the year. In a ceremony held on Thursday, the mayor gushed over this long term presence in Overland. "The Midwood has been a long-held establishment that brings a certain local flavor and color to the City of Overland."



"Some people might not realize this, but the Midwood is practically a entrepreneurial incubator," stated Mayor Purzner in her speech during the ceremony. "Today, I have met a crack ho who uses self-employment to support her lifestyle. She counts among her clientele other tenants of the Midwood. Also, in this building, is her self-employed dealer. It is a prime example of businesses helping businesses and the circle of opportunity that is created at the Midwood."

When asked about the future of the historic building located at the intersection of Woodson, Midland and Milton, the mayor announced ambitious goals. "We hope to get a meth lab or two installed at this location by the end of this year."

Photo caption: City officials and tenants gathered outside the Midwood for the ceremony.